Wednesday, December 30, 2009

overactive thoughts

I'm to the point that I often get lost in my thoughts. Another year has gone by and my life seems like it has not changed. I suppose thats not the most surprising thing in the world but then last night while I was working and the world was sleeping I came to the realization that I have changed, not by leaps and bounds but some.
I have been single for a little over a year now. I think I hate it. Now I have no desire to go back to my ex. In fact, I still don't like the sight of him but that is beside the point I suppose. In the past year I have figured out what I want. It's not that I didn't know before but after the last guy, I needed to figure out what was important to me. I was duped. and I guess to this day that is why I'm still off a year after the relationship ended. I don't like being tricked or lied to and I was. I guess the thing that makes it bad for me is that now that we are over, no one else has fell for his lies, and that is not because of a lack of trying. I guess I just need to move on, something to work on this year.
My mind often gets stuck on the thought of being single for the rest of my life. I think I'm going to turn in to an old marm, when I know this is an overreaction. I don't to meet someone after I graduate and move. It's not really what I have been playing in my head for all this time. I know it will happen when it is supposed to but I'm losing my mind thinking about it to much.
I guess now that I'm off work and settled in for bed I should close my eyes and let sleep drown out my thoughts.

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