Tender subjects

Not that a can change the past but do you wish we could? I often times say I wouldn't change things about my past but then most of the time there is normally a reason I wouldn't have done what I did. Some things if I would have known the outcome I would not have done them. We all have those things. I know that we are made in to the people we are because of the things that happened to us and this is true... But my one things would take me from a bitter old hag back to my old happy self....
Yet.. Life happens.. And we learn to make the best if it!

Thoughts in Boxes

I look at my room and kylie would be happier with it now its clean besides the few things I need to sell or to use until I leave. I dislike the bearness of my walls. I have found things around my room that remind me of when I though of things differently. Back when I was in love with him. Before I found out he was all a lie. I have worked past things to do with him but seeing my feelings written down on paper just brings the feelings of anger rushing back.

I have been thinging about the past and this time last year I had a boy friend and my best friends were still intact. Funny how things can change. But to me I am better without both. I never would have thought in the middle of my friendship with her but its a painful truth. It's not as if she made me do or say bad things but she wasn't ever what I thought she was. We all have friends like that. They hurt us with out a second thought and move on. If I saw her today, I would hug her and tell her I still care but I'm beyond done with her. I can see that not going over very well and yet after 10 or so years of being friends, I don't care, the exchange would be more for me than her.

Then we come to dating. I have made some stupid choices in the past in the area of guys. I wish I knew better. Thinking of this makes me upset just because it sucks. I think I know someone and I fall for them and the next thing I know they are nothing like what they once had shown me they were. This is when I kick myself. I get to the place where good things don't happen anymore in the relationship. I then end it to save myself, knowing that if I don't get out I never will. I hate that part, breaking someone's heart sucks I can't think of many things that suck worse. And yet it ends. I have figured out that I fix the guy for the next girl. One night during a breakdown I told my mom that I want to be the girl that gets the unbroken guy for once. This has yet to happend but there is still time.

It's time to move on and learn from all the crap. Time to box up the thoughts and memories and move on.